if u say u dnt want me, its ok im going get you anyway xxmwah!!xxx

returns

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 14:47:00 GMT

Well lookies im back again, Not been on here in a long time. Thingsa alittle fucked up at the moment. As you have probably read on allys journal. Natalies been causing shit again but ally didnt believe that i hadnt said what natalie has said. I still dont think that ally believes that it wasnt me who had said it. I hadnt even been in school to say anything anyways. Ive had alot of time off school so i dont see how i could have said anything at all. Its just all fucked up at the moment. Peoples thinking that i really would slag her and martin off behind their backs when for a start i was the one who set them up. why would i want to do a thing like that anyways?!?!!?!?!?!?! Its just sick!

i was reading through allys journal and i came across this:

"So over the past weeks, i've found out who my REAL friends are....The ones who DON'T tell my sercrets and shit. The ones who DON'T say shit about me and my boyfriend. The ones who have stuff to say, say it to my FACE.
If you have a fucking problem with me i'd rather you say something to me about it instead of using me and saying shit behind my back, you piece of SHIT! I cannot believe you fucking said that *grrrs*"

It made me just feel all numb inside. Why would i say anything behind her back? No chance in hell i would say anything about her behind her back. I just think that people who think that i would do that dont know me at all! WHY? Why Me? What have i done so bad for you to HATE ME?!!? Everyone was like oh ally its ok kaylas a bitch, im going to suck up your arse now because i hate kayla. To be honest you can hate me as much as you want to! I dont care, Id rather live with my self knowing that i havent said anything than anything. I know that i havent said anything and i dont care of you dont believe me. I will just have to live with my self knowing that You Wlll Never Trust Me!!!! Its just one of those things isnt it.

Well the other day me ally and leanne were talking about sex and chocolate, Well something along those lines. Ally was the only one who admitted that she would lick chocolate off martins *coughs* Leanne said that she would shag Jay but nothing else........... me well i aint got a boyfriend now so, Im meant to be going out with Joel but doesnt look it at the moment does it. He just doesnt text me or anything. He hasnt spoken to me for what, 5 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how that makes me feel!?!?!?!?!?!!?

I think i love you, You know who you are. I just dont know what to say to you. My heart beats for you all the time. I love you so much! I just hope you know who you are. I love you so much it hurts :'( Please say you love me too?................................ And I don't wanna fall to pieces,I just want to sit and stare at you I don't want to talk about it And I don't want a conversation I just want to cry in front of you I don't want to talk about it Cuz I'm in Love With you!

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do

All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

I'm going nowhere (on and on and)
I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on)
Take me away
I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on)
(and off and on)

Take me away
Take me away
Break me away
Take me away

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Nah nah la la la nah nah

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Why do look so familiar
I could swear that I have seen your face before

I think I like that you seem sincere
I think I like to get to know you a little bit more

I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

Yeah, yeah,
Yeah-eah, yeah,
Yeah-eah, yeah

How do you always have an opinion
And how do you always find the best way to compromise
We don't need to have a reason

We don't need anything
We're just wasting time

I look away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the star
Back into your arms

Going now.... Until the day i die, i spill my heart for you..... I love you.......... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

is back

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 23:24:15 GMT

Well Im Back as you can see. Alot has happened to me since the last time i was here, Alot and alot. People not talking to me and things being said and things ive said to people. Dont know why i bother telling people how i feel it just gets me into shit. Meh, This heart of mine only gets me into trouble. Nothing else just trouble. People have been hating me alot lately. Im just meh! Dealing with PMS. Too much to handle!

My Symptoms

Depression
Anger
Tearfulness
Forgetfulness
Confusion
Feeling Bloated
Migraine
Back Pain
Difficulty Sleeping
Changes in Energy Level
Increased Emotional reactivity.

Great being a girl isnt it, NOT!!! It sucks Totally!

Just incase YOU people dont know what PMS is ive got alittle explanation about it.

Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) refers to uncomfortable physical and mental symptoms that occur before the onset of the woman’s menstrual period. Estimates of affected women range from 40 to 80%. About 5% of women experience symptoms that cause them severe impairment. PMS may start at any time during the years that a woman menstruates. The peak occurrence is in the 20s and 30s. Once PMS begins, the symptoms often continue until menopause. <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /> About 150 separate symptoms have been documented, but it is unlikely that any one woman will have all of them. The symptoms can be divided into three general categories

Well it kind of is big but hey. it sux being a girl this time of the month. I'm sure that most girls can agree with me on that, It just sucks!

Well im goin to go now and perve on Danny ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ YUMMY!!!

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Please leave a comment if you love me ^_^ lol.

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Fri, 04 Feb 2005 21:27:02 GMT

well im back, after the last entry which was probably the time when i was drunked!!! Omg damn that night! i was the onli 1 who had hang over!!! god damn leanne and her after shock and sidekicks!!! Well this update is going to be like really sad and depresseing really. Because thats the sort of mood im in. Ive got alot of things going through my head and alot of things screwing it up. People think "oh shes putting it on, shes nothing but an attention seeker" but im not. On my journal this is why i got a journal so that i could write my thought up and how i feel but some people just think "shes attention seeking" well think what you fucking want, i'm not that bothered anymore. Im writing things on here for a reason and i dont need you's giving me shit!! Well this update should be long depending on how long it takes me to write it!! well i found out the other day that James has got a new girlfriend :'( :'( i still love him soooo much. i just kept tellin ma sen that i was over him but im not! i love him soooo much! all i think of is him and i cried when i found out!! i dont know what am i going to do? He's like my everythin! ive just told james how i feel. didnt go down too well. im gonna go i feel like shit to be ritin on ere!!! james i really do love you and i miss you loads. bi people xxxx

boooooooooo

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 00:56:10 GMT

hello. HAHAHA ME ALLY N LEANNE R LESBVOS!! haha just kidddin were alcoholics! please someone call a psyciatrist!! cant spell!! haha dum dum dum dum dum

Hello There Cum Trousers :P:P

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 23:28:40 GMT

Hello there. Well obviously its me twinkle toes ^_^. Well this is going to a proper update. But yet i still dont know what to talk about. Well here it goes updating my journal again. I dont see the point yet actually ive got to go watch my sister get an award in a minute so i will untill i have to go then i will update when i get back. Then i will update untill i have to go school to do my exam. Well here goes.

Well me and james split up like about a month ago or longer, and now that we have broke up its like he doesnt know im alive. He seems alot happier now that im not in his life. Maybe its for the best. But its like boys done care about things like that. What is wrong with some males? They just dont give a shit about anything. They just suck toes when they are like that. They suck!. I have like realised that it just want meant to be and that he's better off with someone else who will always be there for him and who will be there when he most needs it. He needs to find someone closer and maybe then he will be alot happier because with me living in Stoke on Trent it sort of sucks with long term relationships because of the distance and it is really hard to cope with it when you really love the person with all your heart and you need them to know but they just dont realise how much you love them because your not there to tell them. I think that we just are not meant to be we both wanted different things and it just didnt work. Brb need the loo... Well im back. Where was i? Oh yes, I think that Matt and Rhianna are the perfect couple they are soo cute together and i dont think that they will ever brake up. They wer ment to be, Hope you guys stay together!. Well enough about that.

Well someone asked me the other day, if i ever did come famouse, Who would i have in my video? I sat and thought about it for hours and i thought the people i care about , my friends, i finally had the answer its Ally, Matt, Rhianna, Joel, Ben, Stu, James and Christy because they are really cool and they deserve to be in it. Its a really big thing for me and they all rock so much i hope that they would come in it, It would mean the world to me. it could be on a theme park or just somewhere we can all have fun. If i did ever do a tour i think that my support band would have to be Matts band Soze! You rock! You should get a gig at the Sugarmill up here, Everyone who goes there will love you!!!

Well it was Annaliese's birthday last week, We stopped my aunties so we could watch her open her pressies, She was 2!! She had a scooter and she loves it! If anyone goes on it she shouts at them and says "MY SCOOTER!" Its really cute because shes sooo small and i love her to pieces i would never change her for the world, shes sooo adorable and cute. Listen at me going on about how cute my little cousin is, But she is. You just have to love her.

Well its nearly Christmas.. WOW hasnt this year gone fast? Personally i think it has been a really bad year alot of shit has happend in this past year. In Stoke on Trent there has been loads of murders and lots of accidents. It just isn't safe for kids to go out and do what they want to anymore. Whats wrong with me talkin about nature and environment?

Well i really have got nothing to talk about now so i may just say a bunch of rubbish. umm.. Well shona hasnt said anything else to me im just still waiting for her to say something to me, But hey.

Well its now nearly 9pm! and i have just done a shout out on the radio for ally i said "can you do me a shout out please? chris said ye sure go for it, i said Can i say a big hi to ally she rox my sox, chris said she rox your socks whats that mean? i said shes ace he said ok whats your name? i said kayla he said ok do you want to vote for a song whilst your here? i said ye McFly!!!!! he was like ok thanks for calling byeeeee" Wow Christ Bovaird is sooooooo fit!! I can't believe i spoke to him!! :D Yay im so happy now :D. Well Chrissey boy we wuv you!!! :D I think he is so fit. He's just really fit! But the thing is that he is like too old :'(.

Ally keeps asking me really disturbing questions! Do boys smile when they wank? Do you suck cock? Would you suck Dave grooms cock? whats with the questions!! No i wouldn't chris bovaird maybe :P lmao no i wouldn't! CUM TROUSERS! Yes Ally you carry on i will tell people why i call you that! So you have just said Youv'e got your meanie head on! Yes ok Ally. Yes ally your fringe is weird! You should ring up the radio and do a shout out! Maybe he will put you on the radio this time! lol.

Well im going for X Factor next year. Spose its kool, but i dont think i will get through but you have to start somewhere dont you.

Well the radio have just played McFly :D:DD:D:D Cheered me up alittle! Stu has just randomly sang to me, Random child. FUCK OFF LAUREN!! She keeps talking to me and annoying me by just being at total hoe!

What am i thinking? i don't know? humm? Ally thinks my hair is long but i dont. Shes here brushing it and putting it on my head o.0 strange child that she is. Well James has just come online acting all drunk, but then acting all soba, he really confuses me, hes just really weird sometimes. Its just ive known him for ages and i thought that i had figured him out but i was wrong i dont know who he is at all.

I was on msn just randomly signed out, ahhh back online now, nobody is talking anyway. Allys sitting behind me brushing her hair over her face for some unknown reason. She said it needs washing so she put it over her face, Ahhh Stu has just spoken to me. Allys now reading her Kerrang magazine, Blink 182 are on the cover!!! BUY IT!!

Well so far at school ive had like three christmas cards, Ally, Aime and Aimes sister Beth, Wow lots isnt it. O well they dont give me one and exprect one off me they can fuck them selves because i am NOT giving anyone a card that aint given me one.

Well im going to put some lyrics on here again and talk about them...

Hmm
There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

Oh oooh
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away, hey yeah
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way

That a hero lies in you
Mhhh
That a hero lies in
You

This song is really good, The lyrics really mean something, It helps me through alot, its a really good song but it is really depressing. Its just really good. People dont know while im at home i just sit in my room doing nothing, just listening to my music because music is my life.

So I figure I'm alone now
Alienated everyone
A lot of my moves are wrong
But I didn't know you wouldn't be here to tell me
You saw three moves ahead
And all you said was rememeber loving me remember letting go
So I figure I know

[Chorus]
You stood up and stole it
Cuz you never wanted me
You admit you don't feel it
That you stood up and stole it from me
Why stand up and steal it?
If you never wanted me
Admit you don't feel it
And give it all back to me

So I've guess I've gotta stay strong
After a lot of scavagtage
I've got no one's ego to myself
But I didn't say that you'd be laughing someway
It already moved ahead I lost my trend
And thats what was me
I remember letting go
So I know I don't know

And give it all back to me [x3]

And give it all back to me

This song just rocks!

I’m tugging at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head

[pre-Chorus]
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

This song is just things that i will never say, I wont say alot of things again, I wont ever believe another male again they are all getting fucking twats and they need shooting, Apart from danny ^_^ and chris bovaird ^_^ and leon from V ^_^.

Ive got a new friend at school, shes in year 8 her names Becky. Shes sooo little, i think she thinks that im alittle wierd, she gives me dodgy looks at school in the corridor, But still she gives ally even worse ones!. o well ay. Ally is alittle strange! Sorry cum trousers!

Woooooooooooooooooh Feeder!!! they rock!!!

Well we have had exams all this week and oh my fucking god ive failed them all! Especially my IT exam because i missed the whole databases task out because my mind just went blank!

I went my aunties the other day and i went to the shop with my auntie because she wanted to top her phone up, so i went with her and we got followed us all the way there and then we ran and it followed and ran after us so we were like oh ok, Then this man walked past us and my auntie said to me, "whats he doing down here?!" and i was like "who the fuck is he" she said "your step brother" I was like what the fuck?! aparently ive got two step brothers. I would like to meet them but i dont think that it would happen because nobody knew about me, which is a totally different story which i cant be botherd to tell and anyway your not knowing because its my life and only ally knows because shes my bestestestestestestestestestestestestestestestestestest friend ever and she knows nearly enough everything about me and she should know other wise it wouldnt be a good friendship would it if she didnt know about my past?

Well i finish school soon-ish and i think im going to go to collage to do a music course and then i will meet loads of new friends and even tho i will be going to collage i dont want to loose contact with my other friends because they mean so much to me. Like Ally shes just everything that a best friend could ask for, Aime is weird and strange at times and has a blonde moment like most of the time, Natalie well natalie i dont understand shes just unusual, Dan A hes lovely at times it depends what mood hes in because he can be really nice one time then slag you off the next, but still i think he is going to be gay when he finds out for himself that he is if that actually makes any sence at all. There is Leanne, Well leanne, i dont like too much but she has been there for me alittle bit in the past she can be a total bitch and she is totally spoilt and she cant admit that she is but hey, shes ok. Sarah i dont think that i will stay in touch with because she does come out with us much shes just strange but is my TWIN!!! We wer born on the same day at the same time. but not at the same hospital.

Im sixteen in march, Excited i may be but i dont know what to do on my birthday, Might have ally over for the night well the weekend before my birthday, or even i might be going to blackpool for the weekend, i dont know i dont really do anything on my birthday because its just nothing if you think about it because what you get a few gifts and then your just a day older than you were the day before that so, why do they bother with birthdays? There just nothing.

I told ally that me and her are moving to essex, she said Why Essex?!?!!?! i was like i dont know i just think that it will be fun because well i dont know. we could go shopping all the time but we are going to have to have alot of money because its probably expencive. It sounds like a fun place to live though. I did want to live in Kent but ive got a hate club down there so essex will do me. Or maybe Newcastle-upon-tyme, Love the accents. I was thinking that people that move to Stoke on Trent are out of there minds!!!! Who in the right mind will want to move to Stoke on Trent!?!? its just a big pile of allys toes! Haha pile of allys toes! Thats funny. Allys toes are weird, they are all bent and bent!

McFly are on tour agin next year!! Can't wait ive got to go, Mum said ive got to save up for my own ticket!!!! Damn, im soooo bad at saving up money! i was going to save up for a new phone and like i saved up £50 and then ended up spending it! Ahhh well i will save £20 up i think *thinks* well we'll see wont we!

I phoned up this place about getting a record deal the other day and this man was telling me all the stuff they do to Britneys voice to make it sound better, so i was like umm ok, then he was saying to me that hes got a feeling that im a McFly fan, i was like ok how you know that i am a mcfly fan? he got my favourite member wrong though haha in your face weird man that was talking to me on the phone about weirdness stuff!!

Well i went to watch my little sister kelsey get an award today at her school and they were all weird little kiddies, they were looking at me and ally as if "you should be at school" and " your a fuking weirdo!" fuck you little children! you all suck! maybe you suck allys cummy trousers i dont know but maybe you do. Haha i was recording kelsey get her award and the head teacher that they have got is such a fucking hoe, she was telling nursery children to sit up and shut up, Hoe nasty!! i would of told her to go fuck herself the fucking cock sucking donkey dick! Yes as i was saying, kelsey got an award forbeing helpful and kind in the classroom, What the fuck is going on with that?!?!?!!?!?! she isnt like that at home!!

Well my new phone is coming alone ok spose, had a "descusion" with James about it, he was saying it isnt his network fucking up, well ask vurgin they were the ones that told me that i cant reciecve them because there network is screwed!! fukin bastards, but its ok, nobody txts me who are on virgin, its not like im goin out with James anymore is it, he was the only person who txted me that were on virgin and now he dont txt me so screw all of you.!!!

Ahhhh Danny Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy, hes so fit, i love him soooo much yummy ^_^, hes the first thing on my christmas list along with chris bovaird and leon from V, yummy all them in my christmas stocking yummy that would be my day!!!! i would love every minute of that, i wouldnt talk at all i would be too much gob smacked!! *DREAMS*

Its nearly christmas and i still havent done my christmas shopping!! oh well, aint got to get much, ally wont tell me what she wants so at this rate shes getting fuck all, my mums just having aload of CD's, Kelsey has got these fairy figures and Benj has got this beanie hat thing. spose that will do them, Ally your going to have to tell me what you want because your tooooo picky and its really hard to chose something for you, you dont wear make-up, you dont wear jewellry, youv'e got most of the other shit that i would probably want to get you soooo please tell me what you want! CD's? TELL ME!!

Well i may update another time, depends if i get enought comments :P

Well have fun reading, as much as i had typing NOT,

This entry is for you cum trousers because of the radio thing!!!

Love ya darlin!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Have i done a longer entry than christy?!?!

Probably not o well your a dude for that, you deserve a medal for it, *gives him gold medal*

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Im Backk

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 11:52:30 GMT

Im Back!! well i thought id update for obvious reasons.. Well i might actually have things to talk about. So i just thought wow i think i will update things then nobody can moan at me. Well my last two entries were pretty long so i dont really know how long this entry will be, but it really doent matter. Me and Ally used to, when we first got our journals, used to try and beat Christy on how long the entry can be, But we never really suceeded. So thats when i began to type properly. But really i should type properly other wise im going to be shit at It and fail my exams. Ive got an exam today at 1:20pm im going to do completely shit at it as it is maths. I did my food technology exam yesterday and it is fucking hard!! Miss Hughes then decided to tell me that im going to fail it, But i dont give a shit!! o wel ay!! Well im now going to write about anything that i can actually think of.. So here goes...

Well aint really been school last week. Fucking want to kill Shona! FUKIN SLUT!!!!!!! Now you dont come in school in a short skirt and fukin rockports!!!! Daft Bitch!

Well i might update tomorra! cus im now with nat ally n aime so fuku!

Byeeeeeeee

two days in a row?! am i ill?!

Sat, 27 Nov 2004 17:30:54 GMT

Well i must be ill if im updating like twice! well i just thought id update but yet i really dont know what to say. for once in my life i have no emotions im just feeling nothing, im in a mood where i dont really care what people say. Ive got exams like next week and the weeks after and i dont care to be honest even thought that it goes towards my GCSEs but it just doesnt seem to be bothering me, Yes i know that i should care but i dont. All the teachers at school are just like "These exams are really important and i want you to do well" Yeah ok then, When they say that it doesnt mean nothing to me, i just feel blank inside, Yes i know that these GCSEs get me a good job and shit like that but really i dont care, All the GCSEs ive took dont get me my dream job. Ok i think it is enough about talking about that.

Ive sat all day in my pjs today. Dont know why, just feel really lazy, just been downloading songs All day well the songs that i have downloaded are songs that mean something to me. Or relate to something that has happend in my life. Really music is my life, yeah i know that all you are like "yeah i listen to music, i cant live without it" n stuff but if music wasnt in my life what would my life be? I love singing its something i want to do for a living, Singing. All i do everyday is sing or sit and listen to music. Ask Ally, i cant sit and listen to a song and not sing to it, I have to sing! Its my life, Ive been told that the music industry is a really hard industry to be in but all i want to do is sell records but i now that i wont achieve it. Maybe im just a really big day dreamer, but i really want to be a singer. In my life i havent really had the best childhood but im still here, I dont really come from a good background but i love my family so much, i think that music has got me through things and im going to put some lyrics on here and explain how they have helped me and why they have got me through.

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
Oh
Don't wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Don't wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone

This song is really good, Ive been alone most of my life with nobody to talk to and when i heard this song i thought "wow that relates so much to me." Its true, when i was young i didnt need anyone at all i had my self and really when i was younger thats all i needed. Now i think i need people to help me get through things, theres just so much that has been thrown at me in the last two years and i cant really do much about things, ever since Emma went in a coma it made me realise how much i need my friends, Ive got Ally and really many people dont talk to me and just take the piss out of me, but to be honest ok, Yeah i have a weight problem and i dont really care, ive been bullied all my life about my weight which just make me upset and made me put on more weight and now i dont really care, i know who my friends are and ok "friends" over exagerating so i'll change that to friend is and thats Ally. I thought i made other friends but i guess i was just wrong about it all. Im wrong about most things and mainly i make mistakes in my life about everything, like Guys, Friends and even decitions. I make loads of bad decitions in my life about everything. Which really shows doesnt it. Just look how ive turned out.

And give it all back to me [x3]

[Chorus]
So I figure I'm alone now
Alienated everyone
A lot of my moves are wrong
But I didn't know you wouldn't be here to tell me
You saw three moves ahead
And all you said was rememeber loving me remember letting go
So I figure I know

And give it all back to me [x3]

And give it all back to me

This song is really good because as many of you may know that a couple of weeks ago James ended our relationship and i found it hard to cope. This part of the song is the part that relates to me..

You stood up and stole it
Cuz you never wanted me
You admit you don't feel it
That you stood up and stole it from me
Why stand up and steal it?
If you never wanted me
Admit you don't feel it
And give it all back to me

That is how i felt and stuff. I just dont think that i will ever talk to James the same way anymore its just hard!. Nobody believes me or what i say so just people can forget it. I dont care anymore. Im pulling through it a little bit at a time. No more about that now.

Well i dont know what else to say. Its just all aload of shit that im talking about. Ive recored loads of McFly stuff on my new phone today.

Well thats it for now.

Love you Ally!

Kays xxxxxx

im back...

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 20:06:08 GMT

Well im back after a while you know just stuff to do like sit on my bed and be bored out of my head. Well i got a new phone now :D its kool me and ally have the same phone now she brought one aswell! COPYYYY!! :p:p Shes now my phone bum chum :P love ya darlin! Well dont know what to say.. Im not going to open my heart out on here anymore because peole just say im attention seeking when im not i just find it easier to put thoughts on here than anywhere else because then i now that the people i want to read it like ally, can read it. Well ive got a few things to say and stuff so im just going to say what i feel and what i think really because there is alot going through my head do here goes...

Well ive just been finding everything coming at me really confusing and im finding my self fucked in the head, Just look at me. i just cant do anything. i just cant even be botherd do anything most of the time. People say that i look really depressed my teacher Miss Hughes asked leanne (who really dislikes me at the moment but i dont know why!) what is up with me because the monday after the friday James had ended our relationship i was a wreck. I couldnt do anythink i was just crying all the time. I was standing outside my technology lesson for ages. Just crying on Beckys sholder. I just dont know what to do because i know i dont think i will be able to talk to him the same as i did before even though i want to but i just dont think i will be able to. He's acting like im lying over all the shit about Louise aka FUKING BITCH! Well best not slag her off that much had i most of you people out there are friends with her. Shes just screwed up most of my friendships and my relationship with the one person i love to pieces. I just dont think i will ever love again. Everyone of you reading this are most probably thinking "what a loser!" "What a fuking drama queen" "What an attention seeker" but im just opening up to my self writing down what i feel to see if i understand how im feeling my self because im just all confused inside nobody realises how much pain im in. I put on a happy face but nobody knows how i feel inside. I just put on a happy face thinking it can fool everyone and it must be working nobody has asked me whats up so i must have fooled them but not yet fooled my self. They just all assume that i do things, Yes i wasnt eating for a while but thats nothing really no for all you people i havent cut my self much i only did it once and that was when i wrote 'Alone' on my arm.

I dont really want to say much more on that now i think its time to get my anger out n slag some certain fucker off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOUISE YOUR A FUKIN BITCH THAT NEEDS TO STOP STIRRING BETWEEN PEOPLE AND YOU HAD BEST STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE THAT JAMES FINISHED ME AND NO! I HAVENT BEEN BULLSHITTING BETWEEN YOU AND OTHER PEOPLE!!! I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF THAT, I DONT BULLSHIT! YOU NEED TO STOP TELLING EVERYONE THAT YOU HAVE LOST YOUR VIGINITY ITS NOTHING TO BRAG ABOUT REALLY IS IT?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING I HAD! LIKE ALLYS ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU GOT JAMES NOW SO LEAVE ME AND ALLY THE FUCK ALONE!!!!

right thats all im going to say now im too angry...

Ashley's braking up woth shona thak fuck for that shes nothing but a fuking slag she flirts with every fucker! shes a knob shite! fucking hoe! whore! Bitch! Slut! ROT IN HELL YOU FUKING BITCH!

I could do with talking to some people but i spose i wont get to...

Bye xxx

ok.....

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 22:51:34 GMT

Right where can i start? Well for all you people reading this it may be alittle personal because ive got alot of shit goin through my head so i thought i would update my journal and see if it makes me feel any better after this but probably not because its me.. but here goes...

well last friday James broke up with me.. i couldnt believe it when he told me i just broke down and cried on ally so much she started to cry because i was. It made me cry even more. I didnt know what to feel. I didnt know what to do. I just felt as if someone had ripped my heart out and left me there to die. I just kept crying. I didnt know what to say. James still wants to be friends with me but i dont know if i could handle it, its just too much for me to handle, ive been accused of doing stuff i hadnt done and was getting shit off people who know james i was just taking it off them i didnt know what to do. In the end that night i just went to bed because i couldnt take it. Ally was trying so hard to cheer me up but nothing seemed to work. Ally thank you sooo much for helping me through this your the only one. I only need you in my life your the only person who understands what im going through at the moment and i just dont know how i can thank you, Just remember no matter what i am here for you even if you dont think you can tell me i am here. Well that night i tossed and turned so much was awake most of the night felt like shit didnt know what to think and i couldnt do anything. Got sleep eventually, woke up at about 10ish saturday, lay on the floor just thinking about all the times i had with James. Got ally up eventually. Had breakfast then went on msn, was all depressed and didnt know what to say. We then got ready to go up hanley. We went hanley, Had to take James round with us (wot a pain!!!) Didnt really talk at all that day, Didnt know what to think, Held all my feelings inside. We went round all the goth/skater shops in hanley!!! was ok spose.. Kept woundering off on my own dont know why just found it fun. Dont really think ally did. Finally went back to the car and allys mummy took me home. Was in alil bit of a mood to do anything so i told my mum it ws that time of the month to stop her askin me whats up. Went into my room and listend to loads of depressing music. Then watched "ant and decs saturday night take away" then went to bed. Woke up sunday. Didnt get dressed til about 2pm. Then just burst out crying in my room listening to coldplay-The scientist. Makes me cry everytime i listen to it. Then i cried my self to sleep. Mum woke me up because we went my anties for Dinna. Went there was boring.. My Auntie kept sayin "whats up with you happy" i was like "Nuffin" n started playin babies with annaliese n then she fell asleep on me aww bless her shes a darlin n i love her to pieces!. well monday kept cryin at school. i cant explain how much pain i am feeling. i love james soooo much he just doesnt realise it. i cant explain what i feel i just want to rip my heart out and die. People keep rubbing it in my face that james has broken up with me and im just getting fed up eith it. Noone wants to talk to me anymore.. What can i do? James doesnt know what i feel i am too shy to tell him how much i love him but now i spose ive lost the chance in telling him now havent i??!?!? ive fucked it all up. Nothing to do Nothing can be done. I just now wish that i had told him what i felt but ive screwed up my chances. Ally keeps telling me that its all going to be ok. but i dont know if i can believe that.. Im going to go now because i got too much think about now might update some other time... Maybe when ive got my head straight...

Thank you sooo much ally i love ya to pieces xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

......

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 23:11:36 GMT

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

WOO FUCKING HOO!

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 14:27:28 GMT

ok umm jus thought id update lol jus 4 the people who actually read my journal. Well i dont what to say. Well here goes my week...

Well last friday i will start from..Ally txt my mum askin if i could go her house because she thought it would be good for me to get out and get things off my mind. Went allys after school and we got ready to go the skate park. We went my house got changed n then allys mum picked us up from my house n took us back allys house for ally to get changed. Then while she was getting ready to go the skate park i went on the internet and was talking to Joel. No one else was on well Dave was but he wasnt talking to me. Damn him Omg hes actually talking to me now :| o wel. Where was i??.. O yes ally got ready to go and then we left allys house and we txted adam to see if he was coming out but he was goin to lauras birthday party with becky. i feel really sorry for Adam hes liked becky for like 3 years and hes only just told her and i dont no how she has reacted to it hope its all gone well. Anyways we walked like the longest way possible to the skate park because me an ally wanted a walk lol. We eventually got to the skate park and lots of people there so we just walked down the birchenwood estate to see how long the road was and our bad luck miss hughes and mr moore drove past wavin at me i was like :|:|:| ally was like wtf! lol. We then nearly got ran ova by these boys on this mini bike thing lol we wer walking round with a tub of ginger bread men, flap jacks and a really big bottle of lemonade! lol wot we brought from tesco earlier. We then walked back up and we saw smeece, shanny, sam and chelsea, smeece sed hi lol. we then walked down towards the traffic lights and sat on a random bench out side a grave yard :| was scary and cold!. We then wer goin to walk back up the skatepark but we realised we would get batterd humm lol. We walked back down to the traffic lights and then these asian men came up 2 us shoutin loads of abuse we jus walked past them as if they werent there. We then went past tesco again lol!!! tesco is sooooo funni. then we went and sat on the corner of a road near gloucester road having a really deep conv wasnt it ally? :) dont worry its all safe with me :P.. then we walked to my ouse and i went in an ally ran up the street!!! lmao was funni! it must av taken her ages to get home considerin its all banks! then i went ad a bath n went beddy byessssss lol...

Saturday.. Well i was moving house so i was really jus packing my room all day. I Found the most random things in my room whilst i was packing. I even found a crimbo card off ally frm like years ago! i jus kept stoppin doin ma room n goin 2 tlk 2 ma mummy :D.. then i decided i cudnt be botherd to do anymore and so i went and watched Ant and Decs saturday night take away LOVE THAT SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D.. Then ad my tea and went bed.. hehehe

Sunday.. Jus rele did the same as saturday really but that night we actually moved :| :'( im now away from ally! We went pauls for tea and then me kelsey an ma mum spent the night at our new house. Was really scary.

Monday... GOT FUKIN WOKEN UP AT 10AM WITH NEXT DOOR BLASTIN FUKIN LIBERTY X! OMFG! *calms down* and hes ment to be a "gangster" the onli time he plays "gangster" music is wen my brotha Ashley is walkin up the street and is there. Oh Ye Ash has now moved out and now is living with "shona" and now im really begining to hate "shona" shes a fukin hoe! Ok The reast of the day... Got some of ma new rom unpacked and we had to move the rest of the stuff out of the house and me and kelsey stayed at the new house while ma mum, benj, paul and uncle darryl (cant spell!!!) moved the rest of it.. then went shop and the chippy :D and then went bed...

Tuesday same fukin thing got woken up at fukin 10am again but this time with fukin Nelly playin! so i got up an blasted Maralin Manson!!!! He Soon turned his off!!.. Well then i think we went down ma aunties and she wanted 2 dye ma hair fukin pink! i sed hell no! so then we went back home after and did more unpacking... Soooooooo Borin! and then we ad to pick paul up from work because we wer goin his house for tea AGAIN. So then me an ma mum went shoppin lol!! was funni. Went pauls txted ally :D:D:D:D:D Missed her loads! Aint seen her for like ages! :'( Went back home watched some videos and went beddy byes lol

Wednesday.. Not much happend ma auntie came helpd unpack alil more i looked after annaliese!! shes a darlin! Took then home picked paul up had tea at pauls an txtd ally again an then went home watched a video an went bed :D

Thurday well i wasnt very well had rele bad throat so didnt do much part from went places with ma mummy and went pauls used his cred again and went home n went bed :D:D:D love ma bed!

Fridayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :D:D:D:D.. Nearly finished ma room stayed in ma pjs till like 5 :D.. Ally txt ma mummy sayin i could stop so i got dressed!!!! lol *dies of shock* then i got allys :D:D:D:D Aint seen her for like a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!! ally looked alil scared of me with not seein me for like a week. then i was tellin her about all the shit weve bin gettin off the landlord from the other ouse, Then ally made teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm pasta yummmmmmmmmmm Cucumba :D:D:D:D didnt actually ave any! lol i ate the bread sticks instead. yummmy! then me an ally wer debatin wether to go to the skate park but in the end we decided to go tesco and buy pro plus! lmao we went soooooo hyper off em. Took ally like ages 2 swollow!!! Terri served us wooooh lol usually tesco dnt usually let ppl under the age of 16 buy tablets! weirdos. We wer walkin round tesco after carryin Chocolate milk InIt Ally!! We walked down this ile and a lil fukin hoe frm year 7 saw us an sed 2 me " hi melissa" i was like wtf!! we wer so hyper we jus burst out laughin in tesco an wer walkin rnd sayin "hi melissa!" lmao!!! then we got 4 packs of smarties!!!! :D:D then wundered off 2 leannes ouse.. On the way there was this lad on his bike an ally was tellin me for like ages 2 move out of the way but me bein a retard didnt!!!! lmao.. Got round the corner of leannes ouse n ally sed lets take smarties with chocolate milk lmao!!! We got round leannes and they had had a flood wen they wer on holiday and leanne was tellin us summit like rele serious an we stood there pissin our sen!!!! then we stood there takin more pro plus pissin our sen at leanne bein serious an we eventually walked back 2 allys ouse rele rele rele rele rele rele hyper!!! avin a rele deep conv lol again.. we got in like ages after an ad a lecture frm allys dad lmao bcz we wer wet! lol o well.. We then got our pj bottoms on and THE MILK LEAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh ye ally... "WHO ATE MY SMARTIES?!?!?!?!?" LMAO.. We eventually got on msn and wer bein weird!! lmao Soz Stu!!! lol Needed a cnv with james but didnt appen.. Went off msn an hour late and went 2 bed.. We watched "Bride of Chucky" LMAO LMAO LMAO was soooo funni especially wen they killed people!!! lmao an the fukin dolls shagged LMAO!! weird ally memba "do u av a rubber?" "Look at me im made of rubber!!" LMAO was funni!! then tried 2 go sleep but kep laughin was funni!!!

Well here i am now lol well that toooooooooooooooook agesssssssssssssss

Hope ya like the update!!!!!!

James i rele need 2 tlk 2 u its fuked up!

Leon ya a darlin jus remember im ere 4 ya!! Love yas darlin!!! :P

Love yas all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 16:05:25 GMT

well not much as append.. people not talkin 2 me for like no reason.. james tld me he dnt like tlkin on the fone.. how else can we talk but i spose he would like it more if like we neva spoke. Well.. Matt if you do read this please tell me wot i have done i honestly dont no wot i have done to you n rhianna. I no that people have been hackin on my account and that they could have said stuff i dnt no. I would ask james to ask but i dont think now is the best time to. Please tell me what ive done. Honestly i think you and rhianna are really kool to get on with and i think your well good get on with. I just hope we can be friends again Please tell me what ive done.

Well yesterday well last night me an ally had 2 stay at school til 9pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg!.. I did make a chocolate fudge cake which i onli got alil piece of! lol o well i made it for my mummy anyway ^_^.

OMG OMG OMG OMG We wer on the way down my ouse n we saw these two dogs fukin omg!! ally was like ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lmao

I Just gotta say ye teenagers arent meant to get on with their parents but i think my mum should get the worlds best mum award because my mum has bin there for me for like my whole life ive neva nown my "dad" he sed he didnt want to know me at all b4 i was born n he died like jus after i was born which im rele thankful for but my mum has brought up 4 kids on her own my mum deserves the best mum award! I Love You Mum!!! ^_^

Well im goin now me an ally goin up the new birchenwood estate n up the skate park.

Love yas all bi xxxxxxx

riiiiiiiiiiiight

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 18:10:52 GMT

riiiiight party.. well me n ally wer sittin in the bedroom n next thing i knew young david wlked thru d dooooooooor!!!!!! i was like omg.. n louise was like standin there an i was like hu the fuk is that then me n ally went bac upstairs n then bac dwn n matt wa singin a song... then i went n sat in the livin rooooooooooooooooooooom lol to watch the simpsons... ppl wer jus turnin up n stuff so i decided 2 jus sit there then james asked me n ally if we wer goin outside so we did n jus stood there... then we stooooood by the dryer lol then ben came lol weird lil paraletic boyyyyy.. me n ally then ad a drink (was helpful) i sat on allys knee was funni lol we got dodgy looks n dave jus laughed.. ally had anotha drink n then started 2 heave so had 2 run up the stairs wi her n then dave came then stu then james n then stef lol ally was like wtf!!!!!!! we eventually got bac outside... n we wer jus bein weird.. louise an her friend wer like ARGH rele rele rele rele rele annoyin! pissed off like 1 fukin bottle!!!!! fukin homodoms.. they wer mongs... me n ally got anotha drink which then stupid me mixed allys drink which made her heave again lol *hahhah* then me n ally wer jus not wit each otha 4 the rest of the nite.. ally was wot sef HU ASKED HER 2 MARRY HIM!!! lol awww bless n i was jus wunderin arnd all ova d place... i member watchin dave play pinball on d comp n he was tellin me my feet wud touch the floor wen i sat on the chair but haha dave u was rooooooooong!!!!!!! they didnt!!!!!!!!!... hahahaah.. i then wundered off sumwhere 2 get RAINBOWWWWWWW COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIESSSSSSS!! 4 sum reason there was a fationation with them lol i dnt rele no y lol mayb the fact no1 had heard of them!.. lol.. then louise n her mate started.. well mainly louise.. started wen i was in the bathroom n i came out n she was there huggin n feelin james up i was like fine ok n james dad sed 2 me dont worry about it... i stormed off dwnstairs... n sat in the livin room where there was jus pat sittin there watchin a dvd n sed it was shit lol... brb need d loo.. kayla's gone for s shit!! haha sorri kays :P... funni i was onli gone like a minute lol damn u ally :P eat girl!!!... *is happy allys holdin her hand* :D well where was i... oh yes louise... i then walked in the garden n i was that pissed off n upset i jus burst out cryin ally came 2 me n then gregg wi the video camera n went oops i will go lol.. then matt n rhi shouted "hus cryin,... its ally" n ally looked up n then they sed no " No it isnt its kayla" dave then came then james it was like a omg wtf im cryin lol... then i was like rele ready 2 twat louise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n she came over n ally was like "will u jus fuk off plz" lol after tell in her 2 fuk off she says plz lol! then i went inside she wa pissin me off n i went back out n Stu dave n james wer holdin me bac frm twattin the bitch.. fankuuuu... i wudda ended up murderin her literally!.. then me matt n rhi wer tlkin about her n how she felt matt up n he thought it was rhi... rhi was rele angry at that.. she was hurrassin stu all night an he looked like totally scared!.. i was like awwwwww n everytime louise went 2 stu i shouted stu over n she was followin him so i asked her 2 leave him alone which obv she dint do!.. every1 was tlkin about her then... No body liked her.. i then went 2 c where ally was n she was playin wit stef so i didnt wanna interupt so i went in again n sat in the livin rooooooooooom again wit dave n roy n me n dave took a pic of his belly button n we didnt no ow 2 save it we wer like erm :s lol.. we wer tlkin about porn bcz we thought james ad porn on the cmp bcz there was smt on there called g-spot lol me n dave wer like wtf is that!louise jus threw up in the bucket then n me n dave wer like ewww!! then matt came in the livin room n started 2 av a rite go at louise lol was soooooooo funni i cnt believe that rhi missed it lol.. Rhi u shudda seeeeeeeen it lol.. i memba me tellin rhianna how kool i think her n matt are lol i think then she was tryin 2 make cnv wit me 2 calm me dwn lol after louise actualy went * yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!* i felt ok lol.. i put mcfly on me n stu ran in an put it on lol ^_^.. was goooooood ally bein pissed wanted us all 2 dance in a circle.. lol! n jump up n dwn.. then i went 2 tlk 2 ben over the other side of the garden an we wer tlkin about how ppl judge ppl 2 quickly lol... then i wundered inside lol *is sneeky :P* lol n i watched a skateboardin dvd wit dave, gregg, pat n sum1 else lol i cnt member hu lol.. n i was in there 4 ages lol i dnt no y it facanated me lol... *rolls eyes lol* then wen i went in the kitchen n sum ppl were in there n matt forced me outside!!! :O damn!.. i then ran back in :D lol.. was funni.. then all the alcohol was gone!.. by then i was sober n e ways lol!.. then later on wen it all started 2 dy dwn alil STUUU FOUND D VODKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL DNE DUDE!! matt kissed stu!! was funni lol.. i ad like 1 glass n i took a sip an it was tooo strong so i gave it 2 stu.. then ben put the camera on me n sed "kayla say hey" i sed " hello" he was like nooo hey i sed i cudnt b botherd!! then i went in the livin room n ppl wer still watchin it so then they all went out skatin n i was a paramedic lol i cleaned stus finger :D hope its ok darlin... then lots of bad things append.. thanx matt n stu.. then we wer sittin in the livin room pokin ben haha!! u desereved it!!! james was like pissed out of his face n ok i aint tld n e 1 but i h8 it wen hes lyk that not that he cnt or n e thin i dnt mind i jus rele dnt like it it brings bac bad memories.. then dave wer cold lmao n blames it on stu!!! lol.. then he gave me the blankie!.. then ppl went 2 sleep daves head was on my sholder :|... i fell asleep n ally sed matt n evey1 wer laughin n lookin at me lol was funni... then we went homeeeeeeeeee lol..

well 4 all u wunderin i didnt rele spend n e time wit james smt append n ye ok...

well thats all i can b botherd 2 say lol.. i shortened it dwn!! its sooo long!..

well leave comments ppl!!!! :D aint ad n e in aggggggggggges!

update again sumtime bout d journey

love yas xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

is bacccc

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 17:55:24 GMT

well i aint updated in a while so i thought id update.. erm nothin 2 say rele.. aint done much... jus stayed at home bein borin... like usual.. u no.. im the most borin person livin!... Im Jus at allys ouse she playin with felt tips an dildos.. lmao.. na jus kiddin.. shes playin with her doll... im goin 2 buy her a barbie so we can torcher it..

Rite here we go.. well for about 6 months now ive been feeling rele depressed.. i no why but im not tellin anyone apart from ive already told ally.. she sont rele take me serious on this but im not botherd, Nobody rele needs 2 know... im jus finding things rele hard.. I dnt no wot 2 do rele i cant do anything about it its jus somethin that cant be sorted... I could jus let it fade it shug go away but i no that deep down it is hurting me but nobody nos so they cant see.. i rele dnt think i should tell anyone about it its jus not needed.. It will jus make james all jealous an all moody an shit like that.. no1 else shud care it aint needed.. you cant help your feelings.. u cant control anything.. i dunno u cant control n e feelings...

o wel ay.. goin go now bi xx

rite

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 13:01:02 GMT

im updatin bcz ally sed dat if i dnt update then shes goin on strike!!! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ally u cant go on strike!!!

rite well not much as append ally got bac frm her nans n now im wit her....

james not tlkin 2 me as usual... hes not txtin me bac but he txts every1 else so he nos where the door is if hes gna b lyk that...

dats it now im 2 pissed off!!!

bi x

ok...

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 13:11:33 GMT

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lol jus ad 2 do that...

right i av actually got things 2 write about.. well ally stopped mine we "played" an then ye tell u bout it l8rs...

riiiiiiiiiiiiiight where shall i begin.. well most of the time ive been at ally lol jus alil random but i practically live here its well good... ally u no if u get frd up of me tel me PISS OFF!... riiiight... well i didnt meantion n e thin about daryton manor but i rele cant arsed 2 write about it so go on 2 allys lj an read about it lol www.livejournal.com/users/bubbly_jubbly... lol ok here we go erm at allys we jus sit on msn n tlk n go hyper of n e thin we can get our hands on lol... Ally especially Hot chocolate LMAO!!!!.... is funni... weve come up with nicknames for eachotha,.. shes a gooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmoooooooooooo n mong n im a spacker an reeeeeetaaaarrrrrd lol... o well is probs tr about me lol... i aint botherd.... ok.... well yesterday me an ally wer so hyper 4 lyk no reason.. we dint av n e thin swear!! *rolls eyes* ok ok we ad hot chocolate an pringles!!! lol.. was funni tho... ally was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funni lol.... Every1 i dnt get it rite u all think that ally is like rele nasty an lyk rele argumentative but shes lovely i dnt no how n e 1 can h8 her!!

We watched scary movie 3!!! was a pissa!!!!!!! i loved it lol... i screamed on a bit lmao is funni tho ally was tellin me shut up!!! i cnt elp it if

a quotes frm scary movie 3....

"ur period starts in 3...2...1 ouch!!,... i c ur nealin in dog shit" LMAO... is funni!!!

"ur lucky 2nite...he doesnt no ur a man.."

"Cindy the tvs leaking"

"What you looking at ugly bitch"

"i have a dream...." "wots that" "to have a dream"

lmao it is a well funni film if u aint seen it go n watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its ded funi... lol queen latifa in it is funni...shes well funni,...

rite wen ally stped mine....we walked mine in the dark was funi i was tallin ally all about bens party... lol... n how it shud b gud at james but shes not sure...we got mine i was tlkin 2 ma mum n then i did the dishes an then we went upstairs n ma mum asked us if we wanted a take away.. so we ad pizza an chips an mango chuckney ^_^ yummy.... we went upstairs afta again an we wer messin arnd n it was rele late an kelsey was makin lots of noise an she pushed me i landed "accidently" on top of ally n kelsey jumped on me an then we heard my mum get up we wer lyk :| so kelsey jumped off me an i jumped off ally n ma mum came in a sed "shut the fuck up" lol... i blamed it on kelsey an she got bollocked lol..Omg... rite sum1 invites u over 2 SLEEP u obv need ur pjs but nooooooooooooooooo ally 4got them!!! lmao she ad 2 borra mine an they wer too small 4 her!!! LMAO!!! not my fault im a short ass!! lol... was funni we wer goin thru all ma pjs seein wot fits her lol.... she was lik omfg!! then we went down stairs 2 make ma mum a drink an there was a HUGE!!!!! SPIDER :|:|:|:|:| then non of us wud kill it but then i made ally hehehehe she splatted it an then i made her hit in lots of times while it was ded on d floor lol...kelsey was on d chair sayin" i will h8 u ally 4 d rest of ur lyf n i will tell my mummy of u if u dnt kill it " lmao!!! then we went back upstair an we made allys bed an we went to bed i was tryin tlk 2 ally but all she sed 2 me was shut up im tired!!!

i woke up at about 10:30 an i was jus stairin at Ally an she woke up an went WTF! lol... o well shes toooooooooooooooo sexi ;););)

well now wer ere... the weather is confusin n thundery lol

rite dats enuff frm me....

luv yaz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ok ally!

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 13:30:33 GMT

Gaawd Girl Chill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P

Well there is nothin 2 update about... erm.. *thinks*

Well erm... Last nite i wer bored outta ma ed n i ad nothin 2 do.. James engorin me aint spoken 2 me in 2 days... he now claims i didnt text him bac but i did!! o wel ay lyk he sed 2 me lots of times im a liar... so last nite wen i was bored i did some posers 4 ma bedroom door n now u cant enter my room unless ur a stuart n a mcfly fan :D... so ha looks lyk onli ally can enter my room YAY!! ^_^... then my bruva wanted me 2 design him a record label thingy so i did dat an he lyks it so its ok... then i ad a wasp in ma room i was lyk :|:|:|:|:|:|..... then i found a spider n then i found flies n moths flyin rnd my light... NEVA AV D LITE ON WIT YA WINDOW OPEN!!!!

well i dnt no wot else 2 write about... hummmm... *asks ally*

Me n james nearly broke up the otha day,,, Well i was that wound up n stuff i jus cudnt b doin with him naggin at me bcz i got no money n he says i get money all d time... my mum is a single parent... she claims money for her n 4 kids... so if u cnt andle that james then u no where the door is....

im jus sick of ppl messin me rnd... so they either take me as i am or they no where the door is.. the only ppl hu take me 4 hu i am is ally n leon.. n i lve them 4 it i no wot ally thinks of me n i no wot leon thinks of me...

Stu tld me wot he thinks of me as a person n thanx darlin....

Well i no wt james mates think of me but o well ay cnt elp that,,,

Well thats my update 4 now

bi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

umm

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 13:16:03 GMT

lalal

there updated :D

ummm

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 08:28:39 GMT

we wer readin thru james' live journal an we read this...

"i sent her a txt sayin "do u want me 2 fone u. cos u aint been seemin like u want me 2 l8ly.." she didnt reply.. and now she claims that she didnt get it.. meh o well.... maybe thats why stacey, natalie and charlotte didnt txt bac eitha! "

And he claims he doesnt no hu stacey and natalie are... i take it charlotte is char.... well now look whos the lier....

hummm

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 20:50:41 GMT

well look at dis outta james lj ...

"depresssed again... well not hugely... kayla talkin 2 christy on mic.. so bored..mite b goin out mepom 2 moz, at least ill have something 2 do
couldnt fone kayla today cos we had some1 round.. and im depwessed again...is it like im addicted or something? do i need 2 talk 2 kayla? probably... its jus so kl! :D heres 2 kayla.. cheers! :D but she talkin 2 christy... i really need 2 do my english essay but i dono wen ill do it.. probs 2 moz... i havent been depressed in about 2 months... well coincidentally 2 months ago was wen i had a g/f.. its jus wat girls do... depression.. not u kayla!.. girls in relationships.. corr...so if im depressed now? y? cos i aint got no gf... no relationship :S o well.. random confusion... well skool nxt week.. fun.. least i get 2 c all ma m8s n thats kl.. but also got shitty lessons... damn it.. o well dono what 2 say im jus balbbin random shite now.. peace out ppl"

well james its obvious 2 show that i depress u bcz ur wit me n u even sed ur self dat i do...

wt shal i do!?!?!?!

oh

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 09:49:48 GMT

oh look at dat 2 updates in 1 day!! :O:O:O...

all i wanna say is allys got lovely eyelashes!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:DD:D:D

lol

byeee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

rite....im only doin dis 4 ally!!!

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 09:35:56 GMT

heeellllooooooooooooo ,...............well i no i aint updated in a while an rite dis moment im in bed wit ally ;);)... lol.. shes blackmailed me into doin this so its jus goin 2 b a load of shit lol... i dnt even no wot 2 write about!!

ok where shall i begin...69<<allys fave numnba!!

ok... my weekend..saturday i didnt do n e thin ally was out all day wit her family an i dnt have n e more friends so i stayed in dat nite an i babysat at home bcz my mum n ma bruva went out 4 his 18th corrrrrr i cudnt go :'( lol but i got pissed at home i ad reefs an vodka an my lil sister is lyk 10 an she got pissed wit me!! lil piss ed.. then i ad a fne call off ma mum sayin dat my bruva, scott n shona ave left her up hanley on her own i was like :O... then they wer bangin on the back door... but only 2 find dat shona cant get in any of d clubs well obviously shes 15!! then scott ad 2 stop a fite between me n ash bcz i sed he shud jus leave shona an go back up 2 ma mum but obviously not... he was fussin over shona jus bcz she ad belly ache..SHONA ITS A FUKIN PERIOD DEAL WIT IT!!! fukin mardarse!!! we all ave it!!! its life deal wit it!! well then i jus decided 2 tidy my room til lyk 2-3 am! i was bored but yet pissed... lol.... well then i went bed....:D

Sunday... well 2day i made ally come hanley wit me!! :D... we got up hanley an it was fukin pourin dwn!!!!! god damn rain... we needed it 2 stop so we could put up the tent :|...we got in hanley an i got my mums birthday prezzie hehehehehe..... i got her the honey soundtrack bcz she wanted that an i got her somit sayin "best mum" on it an i got her a badge with her age on it an no im not tellin u how old she is!!! we wer bored so much!! we ad nothin 2 do then my mum txt me 2 ask me if i was goin home 2 giv her her prezzie!!! :O the cheek!! her bday isnt til august!!!! so ive kept them in allys wardrobe so my mum cant go lookin 4 them!! lol was funi i was tormentin her!! we then took all my stuff up 2 allys an we helped 2 put the tent up before we ad 2 go bac up hanley 2 meet james n sam... it was funni i was jus standin in the tent holdin a pole an allys bruva was jus bhind me kickin me!! beatin me up!!! i was lyk omg!!! leave me alone!! lol.... we then waited at d bus stop for the bus it was lyk omg its cold!!... the bus finally came and we saw amy edevane an kim mosely on the bus they sed hi n bye lol.. we wer d onli 1s on the bus... we wer descussin if ur legs can run off.. WHICH THEY CAN ALLY!! :D.. lol im wierd.. we got up hanley an i wa scared all the druggys n ppl wer up there bcz all the shops ad shut!!! it shuts at lyk 4 on a sunday... we went 2 d bus station an we ad 2 wait 4 them 2 arrive it was cold an it was rainin sooo much an rele heavy... i got rele bored i decided 2 headbutt a metal pole i had a dent in my ed!!! :| strange!! ally kissed me better tho so i was ok :D... then i was rele cold so i was huggin ally :D... shes lovely n cuddly ^_^... hehe ^_^.. we wer messin about an i was gettin rele dodgy looks off ppl bcz of how i was dressed.... i didnt care tho i cud laugh at there face!!!... they eventually came an i was like " its about frickin time im bloody freezin!!!" i was in a rele wierd mood then n i was sittin on allys knee an she was shakin me up n down an it was rele fun!!... then the bus came :D... i jus tld sam n james wot they need 2 get on they needed...."half 2 kidsgrove" lol... me n ally had a firstday so we jus showed the bus driver our tickets an ran 2 the back... me an ally on the back seats ;);) lol... james sat infront of me an sam sat infront of ally... sam was makin a rele squeeky noise with his shoes i was lyk argh!!!.. lol.. then i was jus totally hyper it cudda bin them millions ate earlier... oh ye wen we wer waitin 4 them ally tipped millions dust in my eye :'(... lol was funni.. my lil darlin was jus sayin sorry i was like awwwwwwwwwwww she loves me ^_^... lol... wher was i... o ye... on the bus.. well the bus jus stopped for a while in hanley an we wer bored an james was tlkin 2 sam so i jus tlked 2 ally... hehe the weirdness in our convs lol... funni.... i was tellin sam where all the places wer an he was like "ok" lol he thinks im a freak!!!... they cuddnt even say chell!!! jus because i say it like..."cheall" lol i put an "a" in there... ok so it bcz im frm stoke on trent... ok we wer gettin ready 2 come off the bus an i dragged ally all the way dwn the bus lol was funni part frm she kept kikin me!!... lol... we got off the bus an we nearly got 2 allys street an james realised he 4got his bag was funni... he sed it dnt mattas he aint got much in it anyway... i was lyk ok.... we walked 2 allys an james n sam wer jus wlkin off me an ally wer lyk ok ^o)... we got allys an her mum was there she was like "hello"...let me jus say.. bless allys mum... shes lovely part frm she can scare me at times like wen shes laughin!!!... lol shes lyk a 2nd mum 2 me tho she lets me eat cucumber!!! :D:D:D... wen we got allys we went in 2 her room me n ally wer hidin unda d cover heheeh u neva no wot happens under there!!!... ;)... allys bruva was jus lyk argh!!! beatin me up all d time!!!.. we jus sat in the room n so i put some music on lol... ally did an i changed the cd!!... james n sam wer so fasanated in james blowin bubbles!!!.... then we ad nothin 2 do so we orederd tea... we ad pizza, chips an garlic bread.... we ate nearlu everythin!!!... part frm 3 pieces of pizza... half a bowl of chips an nearly the whole garlic bread!!.. lol... we then went in the tent an had a pillow fight.. we wer all jus attackin uncle sam tho wen he was on th fone 2 aunty hana... lol... i then jus got fed up of some certain ppl so i tld ally i was goin out play basketball... was fun i was winnin :D.... then ally came out 2 me c if i was ok n she sed we wer all goin watch ghost ship now so we went... the film was on an me n ally wer tlkin mostly thru it lol... sam was txtin thru it an i think me n ally wer pissin them off bcz we wer tlkin but it was funni... it wasnt as scary as i thought it wud b... i was scared alil... i was holdin allys hand... then james hand... then sam n james wer holdin hands... ally tried 2 start off a mexican wave an it was soooooo funni no 1 carried it on... meantionin no names... *coughs**meeeeeeeeeeeeee**coughs*... then we then decided 2 get ready 2 go in the tent so me an ally changed our tops.... we then went in the tent an it was soooo hot... i then started a marshmellow fight off ^_^... i jus cuddnt resist!!.. lol but it was rele jus me an sam attackin each other... lol was funni... then we wer jus sittin n beatin each otha up well me n sam wer lol.. then it sorta died down alil every1 was jus goin sleep n uncle sam went on the fone 2 aunty hana at lyk 1am!!! til about 2am.... every1 went sleep afta that part frm me... i was tlkin 2 my teddy :P ^_^... i can get a gd conv outta my teddy... she understands me totally an loves me lol.. she understands things wot every1 else doesnt understand... so i no it sounds alil stupid that me tlkin 2 my teddy but its betta than tlkin 2 someone that doesnt understand.... so then i eventually got sleep lol...

monday... well we all woke up apart frm sam... lol lazy bum... i needed the loo so i was lyk ally i need d loo but thankfully so did ally lol... me n ally went the toilet an we sat in her room i needed 2 tlk 2 her bout sommit.. then we went back out 2 james n uncle sam... they wer comin outta d tent lol... so we all came in an sam was dyin 4 d loo while ally was tryin sort out breakfast... we all ad different things...ally ad pop tarts....i ad crackers an salad cream... uncle sam ad 2 bowls of cerial... an james ad toast.... lol was funni.... every1 was laughin at me bcz i was eattin crackers n salad cream... o well i lyked it!!!... we then wer flickin thru d music channels an ally went 2 change it an james started 2 sing 2 it so me n uncle sam jus laughed at her lol... then we ad a race 2 c hu cud eat these strawberry pencils lol ... uncle sam won part frm the fact he cheated!!! :P... we jus then sat n watched tv... me n ally wer laughin at them lol... no reason y lol..... ally then went d loo n i followd her an we stood on d landin n went in her room while i needed 2 tell her somit again,.. we then went on the computer lol.. i shouted dwn n no1 answered me but james was in a mood n e way... so i went dwn n we went on allys msn an then uncle sams... me n ally put some music on... james wudnt let me watch mcfly :'(... damn!!!..... then we ad 2 get ready 2 go up hanley again!!!!... we ad 2 run 4 d bus.. we got 2 d bus station an waited lyk 10 mins n there coach came n we sed out goodbyes n they went... :|.... me n ally wer jus quiet at first.. then we went in argos 2 get some catalogs lol.. i then wanted 2 go the shop... fooooooooooooooooood i needed foooooooooooooooooooood lol..... we then got the bus bk allys... we ad 2 clean up all the marshmellows lol was funni.. we then walked dwn mine 2 take d argos catalogs an i did some stuff 4 ma mum,, then we went bac allys n jus chilled on msn tlkin 2 aunty hana.. n this german bitch!!... fukin homo... pissin me off... then we went in the tent at lyk 10pm... we got scared by half past lol bcz we wer hearin noises lol... then we fned allys dad 2 come out an then he came out n we went in the ouse... me n ally went bac on msn n we asked if we could sleep in the double bed an so we did... n here we are now lol....

well ally there u go darlin!!! hope its long enuff!! :D:D:D

well im also tryin 2 eat my breakfast an tlk 2 leon at d same time lol

well im goin now bi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

boxers...

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 22:07:37 GMT

Well i did delete this but then i decided 2 put it bac on again...ally convinced me...well atm me an ally r sittin ere in our boxers...jus chillin...phil arguin wit us him been all moody wit us...o well...i dunno wot 2 say rele...erm...nuttin 2 say rele...

i wanna no y dave n stu r bein all funni wit me...ever since i met them they ave bin lyk dat :(

well ally darlin lets play sum more *wink wink*

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee xxxxxxxxxx

hello

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 14:34:07 GMT

Today so far hasnt been bad jus alil borin!! erm...we ad cable 2day wooooh now i can watch all the music channels!!!! yay now i can watch the other half of ER!! t'was good last nite! erm...missin james loads!! dint tlk 2 him very long on msn last nite...i came on toooooo late :(! i knew i shudnt of watched ER! BUT I DID BCOZ ITS WELL KOOOL!! even tho i cnt stand the site of blood or n e thin yucky like dat!!! ewwww!!!! well its anotha day closer to meetin james even tho its a while away im still excited! cnt wait PARTY!!! init james :D! well must go 4 now probably be bac update again later! love yaz xxxx

heeellloooooooooooo

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 00:13:36 GMT

Well today wasnt very good i felt soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ill!! i cudnt breathe properly n my throat was all closin up so my mum sed i was breathin all funni i was like no im not but i probably was lol!! den later wen lil bruv n sis got bac frm skl an my mum is lettin me ave de ouse all weekend wit ma big bruv :S o well t'will b goooooooooood!!!!! im gettin excited bcoz i dunno actually lol!!! i cnt wait til the summer wen me n james meet up *thinks YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY* loadsa alcohol init james!!! dnt 4get about the cowz tho james lmao!!!! ok ppl dats alil joke between me n james!!! lmao!!! t'is funni tho init james!!!! well james wot can i say bout u in this entry *thinks n thinks n thinks* awwwww all i can say is I LOVE YA BABES!!!! :P *still huggin frm weeks n weeks ago*!!!!! *n frm the otha day* *and the otha day* *OK 4EVA!!!!!* :D!!! lol !! well im feelin alil betta 2day! im not that much betta but i am betta than i was b4 ok ok im confusin ma self now!! :S:P O WELL!! Good convo's on de fone init james!!! *says in a posh voice!!**ALISON GO KILL THE QUEEN PLEASE!!* LMAO!! *also says in a posh voice**OH JAMES DARLIN' YOU DO MAKE ME LAUF*!! lmao!!! dnt worry james i am goin 2 record me sayin dat 4 ya n den i will send it ya!! omg im sowwie james if u wer bhind on ya cwk u shudda jus tld me 2 shut up on the fone!!!!! omg lol!! T'was funni on the fone!!! well n e wayz must go bcoz ma hands hurt!!! its like ARGH o well dunt hurt as much as ma belly!!! n e wayz tlkin 2 kayles now so LEAVE ME ALONE!! unless ur james!! :D loves yaz xxx

if u say u dnt want me, its ok im going get you anyway xxmwah!!xxx

*returns*

*is back*

boooooooooo

Hello There Cum Trousers :P:P

Im Backk

two days in a row?! am i ill?!

im back...

ok.....

......

WOO FUCKING HOO!

riiiiiiiiiiiight

is bacccc

rite

ok...

ok ally!

umm

ummm

hummm

oh

rite....im only doin dis 4 ally!!!

boxers...

hello

heeellloooooooooooo

returns

is back